i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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