so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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