At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
