I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
