I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
