Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
