i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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