I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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