do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am spending my child support on dildos
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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