woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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