two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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