i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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