What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
