then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize