if you like me you must not know who I am
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
