pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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