can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
