ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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