thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened