My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks