The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound