My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat