Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
