hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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