rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
