Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
