you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
