There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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