As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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