hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
