Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
