And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
