My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
