I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
