Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish my penis had an off switch
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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