I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
