I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
