She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
