we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
