I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
