I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
