I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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