He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She announced her abortion via fbk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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