I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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