I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
