I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FUCK WHALES
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