Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...