She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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