i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...