Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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