You can't motorboat a personality
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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