he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
