We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
