My nipple is on Facebook.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
