I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
