you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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