he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
People in love make me want to vomit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
