a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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