I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
