I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
