nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
