my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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