The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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