You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
