Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
