everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The adults are the big ones right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
