I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
