Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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