Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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