I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
