is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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