You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
