For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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