please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
