and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
