ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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