So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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