Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
