so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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